Dating When You Have a Skin Condition

Dating with psoriasis or eczema or dermatitis

Written by: Arvie Florencio

Someone recently asked me if she would ever find a man who will love her despite her skin condition. This is a very common question among people like us with skin conditions. Not surprisingly given our skin makes us vulnerable to feeling vulnerable, uncomfortable and uncomely.

Dating is already hard. On these days, there is focus on one's physical appearance. So for us who suffer from skin conditions, the dating arena seems mission impossible. It’s already hard to find someone you're compatible with, let alone having to find someone who will love and accept you.

I looked back on the days when I was dating and here are some of the things I’ve learnt. I truly hope that this helps someone as you journey through life and love.

 

Be honest about your vulnerabilities, including your skin condition.

You don’t need to tell the person straightaway, but you do need to let them know about your skin condition if it is something you feel vulnerable about. Everybody has different vulnerabilities, and it just so happened that this is one of yours. It could be that the person does not know what psoriasis, eczema or dermatitis is, but you can explain to them what it is, how you care for it, and how it affects you. If they grow cold (or even ghost you) because of it, it only means that they are not the one for you.  That’s okay. You are on the journey to find that one person who will accept and love you, skin and all. 

 

Take good care of yourself.

Physical attraction is still part of dating. Finding a routine that will help you care for your skin and avoid flare ups will help you feel comfortable in your own skin and will boost your confidence. I used to feel bad about spending money on different skin care products, but I realised that I should not be stingy on myself, especially as I try to find products that will help me heal. Eating healthy food and exercising are also part of healing your skin so don’t skip these too. Taking good care of yourself is ultimately for your own good.


Find someone who ticks all your non-negotiables, not just someone who accepts your skin condition.

We may fall for someone who loves us despite our skin condition but does not satisfy our non-negotiable list. We might feel afraid of letting them go for fear of not being able to find someone like them. I’m not talking about perfection but I’m sure each of us have some things that we need our partners to be. I realised that having psoriasis is just a small burden compared to many responsibilities that come with marriage, and then more so when you become a parent. If you ever feel that although this person overlooked your skin condition but is lacking other aspects that are very important to you, do not settle for it. You also have the right to voice out your needs. You are precious, not a left-over. Your needs are important too.


Dating has ups and downs and can feel like a roller coaster ride. In the twists and turns, do not lose yourself. Use it as opportunities to grow. Sometimes, the person who will become the love of our life are those we meet in unexpected ways. Chasing love is like chasing the wind. Love and be proud of yourself.  You never know, love may already be at your doorstep.



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